Landlubbers Mock Cruise

Step aboard the MV Tynedale – the original land-based cruise ship! Experience the feeling and atmosphere of a cruise without actually being at sea, and get your ‘passport’ stamped at each port of call.

Tuesday 7th – Saturday 11th April 2026

Tour Price £644.00
No single supplement on first four rooms.

o Four nights dinner, bed and breakfast

o Afternoon tea, coffee & cake

o Four course themed dinners

o Captain’s cocktail party,
casino & black tie dinner

o Rum punch welcome
reception

o Beer & Bratwurst ice bar
festival

o Cabaret entertainment

o All coach travel &
excursions

TUE Ochos Rios, Jamaica. We make our way to Llandudno and the Tynedale hotel. Arrive at the Ocho Rios cruise terminal to a traditional welcome. Receive your passports from the Purser before enjoying afternoon tea, coffee and cake, while the crew transfer your luggage to your cabin door. We start our cruise in the birthplace of reggae, Bob Marley country. Enjoy a rum punch cocktail and canapés before a delicious themed dinner is served in the restaurant one deck below. On board entertainment follows, along with a light finger buffet.

WED Cologne, Germany. We head to breakfast this morning as we pull into the Rhine River terminal. Don’t forget to have your passport stamped at the Purser’s office before disembarking for a visit to the medieval walled town of Conwy, guarded by 22 towers and the most magnificent of Welsh Castles. We return to the hotel in time for afternoon tea, coffee and cake, whilst enjoying highlights of Cologne on the big screen. Then it’s Lederhosen at the ready as we get into the beer festival spirit with ice bars serving beer and mini bratwursts before tonight’s culinary delights and cabaret.

THU Skopelos, Greece. Eye-catching landscapes, crystal clear waters and island atmosphere await as we anchor off Skiathos town. Disembark at your leisure and spend the day exploring Llandudno with its pier, seafront and tram to the Great Orme. Return back on board and enjoy a cinematic drone tour of Skopelos before dinner in the traditional Greek Taverna and on board entertainment.

FRI Phuket, Thailand. Our day begins with a fabulous Bucks Fizz breakfast before we head out for a scenic drive and stop for lunch. We return to the hotel in time for afternoon tea, coffee and cake, and you can have your photo taken with the dancing lion and enjoy a drone tour of Phuket on the big screen. This evening, the Captain requests your company at the Captain’s Dinner and a James Bond themed cocktail party. Dress code is ‘Licence to Thrill’, and an evening of entertainment follows.

SAT After breakfast this morning, we bid a fond farewell to MV Tynedale and head back home with stops en route.

Please note: MV Tynedale is an imaginary cruise. You will not leave the UK or dry land!